Humanity - At Play Before the Holy Presence

I miss playing and singing music. 

I miss going to the church playing without the light switch in perfect solitude.

I miss the music of the winds and my strings as I paced before the high altar.

I miss the freedom, the urgent prayers, and supplications from my instrument.

I miss the physicality of acoustics when the tones filled the sanctuary. 

I miss the abandonment of the self to prefer the pure excitement of the Creator's Presence and His Joy.

At play behind the locked doors of the mental hospital when playing in the dark for the dark;

At play behind the locked doors of the Alzheimer's floor when playing in the dark for the dark;

At play behind the battle lines of the VA hospital when playing in the dark for the dark;

I found Jesus in the dark, from the dark. 

The anxious one who sat in a foreign bath of mud;

The tiny form laying in fetal pose;


The great venerable who's body and mind became dust yet sang along...

It was always the Dark Ones who gave me the Holy Presence. 

When Jesus calls me, I will know His voice in the dark without good hands and lungs.

When Jesus heals me, I will return and play again.

Human Rights - Truth Teachers - What I learned from The Different.

God, in His perfect wisdom, has allowed me the privilege of a child-like heart and mind to seek Him. As a Judeo-Christian/Wesleyan from a diverse culture, I've had the wonderful exposure to so many belief systems that taught about a loving Creator and my responsibility to others.

The Roman Catholics taught me that anything God uses is sacred; His benches, buildings, and people. I am very thankful for the privilege of attending Tridentine Mass with head covered, extra knee padding, and sitting in the back corner of the sanctuary. In my own church I am careful how my Bible is laying on my lap or on the pew, and showing respect for God's property. 

The Jewish friends taught me that I am a part of the Creator's plan: I am His child and God loves me. Every part of my life belongs to God and I must pray for the desire to love God most by respecting human life above my own. They taught me to want to love God better. 

The Muslim people I have met have taught me that we are indeed similar in our efforts to honor God through our daily life and routine habits. The idea that my prayers are similar to those of our faithful Muslim friends, makes me feel incredibly unworthy of a great God-given blessing.  God has His children everywhere. 

My dear Hindu friends have reminded me of the importance of 'now.' This singular moment is far more important than the past or future. This is a very important tenant in my faith, "Now is the time of salvation (2 Corinthians 6:2)." 

The ancient tribal religion of the Native Americans, Cherokee, taught me the sanctity of earth, sky, water, and all living creatures. The Creator gave life and we have the responsibiltiy of protecting and using creation wisely. God have mercy on our gluttony and waste. 

The dear Buddhist/Zen friends constantly remind me that the search for Truth demands constant, holistic effort with no distraction. The goal is to eliminate any distraction that does not encourage the striving for Truth in all matters; I must always 'do my best.' The dear Buddhist habits of prayer, meditation, mantra, and discipline have encouraged my own goal of  'living in a constant spirit of prayer.' Yes, I want to know my Lord Jesus in the most personal relationship He will allow me and anything that encourages that relationship is always good.

I confess aprehension toward Confusian/Taoism despite their incredible contribution toward social order and self awareness. I want to think of self awareness and total discipline are life goals rather than an accomplishment. I simply would rather have Lord Jesus hold my hand and guide me at all times. I hope in my Lord's wisdom, He will allow me to study and learn these noble ideas and yes, especially martial arts, in hopes my Lord will delight in me. 

I am thankful for a perfectly loving God who simply wants quality time with me and always wants His best in my life.

Study - Why do you need a college degree?

Anita, why bother with a college degree? I turn in circles and wonder.

Anita, why do you need a college degree? I turn in circles and wonder.

Anita, you don't need schooling. You can always get a job at the grocery store.

Anita, you don't need college with all the factories in town.

Anita, when are you going to grow up and contribute to society? I turn in circles and wonder.


There was a person who no one wanted; people thought they were too much work.
There was a person who no one understood; people are afraid of the unknown.
There was a person who was despised by popular opinion; no one really thought about them.
There was a person who was alone; very convenient for others.
There was an inmate who learned a hard lesson the hard way; ignorance was bliss for a while.

Public opinion says that I am homophobic because of my Wesleyan faith roots.
Public opinion says that because of my obesity, I am destined to clean their toilets.
Public opinion says that because I am white, I am racist.
Public opinion says that I can't trust Muslims, African, Asian, Hillbillies, Cops, Teachers, Preachers...anyone.
Public opinion says that certain people need to be ignorant so others can learn.

Our Father Abraham knew Jehovah Jireh.

Lord and Savior, True and Kind...please help us think...please help us love...please help us understand...

Anita needs a Savior.

Humanity - Two of Me - Or Just Live with It

I remember hearing a conference speaker, and maybe you have as well, open her speech with, "If everyone was just like me, the world would be a better place." Her pep talk, despite her good intentions, only made me feel less empowered. The ugly truth and nagging problem is that there is just one of me and I will have to just live with 'it.'

'It' is this body, mind, soul, and strength, such as it is, as well as the nagging common income that I will have to live with in this reality.

Here is my wish list of the things I want to do if only 'It' would be sufficient:

1. Most important: With pain-free hands I want to volunteer music therapy for non-responsive patients.
2. Make and publish my own handmade blank books with scriptural name acrostic for my loved ones. If you don't understand it's OK. I confess freely my need for academic upgrade. A = And lo I am with you always; B = Be not afraid I am with you; etc. 
3. Live near my parents and sister's family so I can see them regularly. I hope they will like me. 
4. Enroll in a Jewish university and study and master Library Sciences to prepare for service as well as my own studies. Minor in Hebrew language and Religion. Take my parents to tour Israel.
5. Take an academic tour, regardless of time, through Mongolia, Tibet, China, Korea, and Japan. I want to focus on Martial Arts, Language/calligraphy, History, Religion, and Arts. While learning, volunteer and anonymously fund an orphan's college education. I would have to request a Kosher and vegetarian diet during my Asian studies.

There you have it; five ideas to create a great servant to make our world better.  It may be impossible for 'It' but who knows who may find inspiration.