Study - Peer Pressure: Dressed with Perls

I was junior high school age and my family went shopping at Hills Department Store in our hometown. As always, I was taken by the sparkles in the jewelry department and my father approached me and handed me Perls' Gestalt Prayer 1 typed on a small note card. I still have it neatly tucked in a journal. Since then, it has been quite a mental anchor when others presume to order and control my life without God's perfect will. 

"I do my thing and you do your thing.

I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,

And you are not in this world to live up to mine.

You are you, and I am I, 

and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.

If not, it can't be helped."

(Fritz Perls, 1969)

http://www.gestalttheory.com/persons/fritzperls/gestaltprayer/

 1 Perls, Frederick S. The Gestalt Prayer. Wilmette, Ill: Aquarian Productions, 1969.

Safe in prison

When I say, 'I love God,' I really want to say, 'I want to love God.'

When I want to love God so much that I want to defend the honor of God, I run and hide.

Why is it so very easy to love ourselves and our own desires more than the zeal of God?

What I want..
What makes me happy...
What are my own needs...

I hope no one finds out...
I hope I can hide my selfishness
I hope no one will discover my vulnerability

I hide when I hear rhetoric that builds prison walls that cry

you're not allowed.
this is no place for you, leave quickly.
you don't need school because your people work.
how are you going to serve me if you're in school all day?
you don't need to worry about school. You can always get a job at a grocery store.

Klan says, 'Anita, you're not white enough.'
Job Market says, 'Anita, you're not thin, pretty enough.'
Black Lives tells me, 'Anita, you're not black enough.'
Blue Lives makes me feel totally outcast and in hopeless debt.
Gay community says that because of my faith, I am a bigot.
Society judges and condemns.

I will hold on for dear life, hold on for all I can in the faith and trust that my Lord Jesus gave Himself for me too. Jesus loves even me, Anita Mullins Brown, a fat and old white lady.

God have mercy on me and on the whole world.