Study - Fraternity - Not the Flat

While living in a southern college dormitory for five years, I learned a little about getting along. I was 18 years old and alone in a very different culture than where I came from in the North East United States 500 miles away. I was terrified of my southern classmates which comprised most of the school and because of the drastic cultural differences, I was utterly alone.

College roommates are strangers suddenly thrown together in a very small space without any choice. The experience can create a wonderful friendship or a very dangerous enemy. I pray some of my ideas will only help create loving and respectful, life-long friendships.

Without further ado, here are some practical pointers that helped me survive the college dorm life in a very strict religious school:

1. Always use the 'Golden Rule' which is: Do unto others as you want them to do to you. If you follow this completely, you will be released from any guilt knowing you have been the best friend possible. Trust and Respect are absolutely necessary for any relationship especially a roommate. Agreements are never necessary to acceptance. Respect and enjoy the differences.

2. Immediately and continuously communicate openly and try to agree on living terms and arrangements: sleep patterns, use of shower/toilet, times for solitude, media, foods/drinks, air, phone tunes, allergies, medical issues, etc. Any issue that affects your natural senses should be carefully examined (audio visual elements in your life).

3. Never have valuables in the open, but keep them locked in a personal locker or safety deposit box in the local bank or postal service. This prevents unnecessary temptation and destruction of a positive relationship.

4. Keep your own belongings in your assigned positions: closet, shelves, drawers. Immediately agree on the area boundary: your side and their side must be respected.

5. Keep your own belongings clean: use @Lysol solids to neutralize your shoes or soiled laundry, air dry washcloths, towels, or wet clothing before placing them in the laundry basket. This will prevent odors while waiting to wash. If possible, use @Odor Eaters in your shoes and around your shoe lockers to prevent odors. @Tylex brand bath cleaners are best if possible. Note: never mix clorox and ammonia...this is fatal.

6. Keep your bedding and under your bed clean at all times. I recommend bathing in mornings and evenings if possible; this keeps bedding fresh until the weekly change.

Disagreeable odors/rank/stench always challenge positive living and thinking. Keep your room as neutral as possible by using clean air products rather than perfume/cologne fragrances; especially in the lavatory.

7. When listening/watching media, always use headsets unless you and your roommate agree to a specific program. Avoid excess lighting (TV, PC, laptop, etc) if your roommate is trying to sleep.

8. If your roommate is sleeping, it is always a good time to sleep as well. If not, let them have the room or study quietly. It may be a good time to use the library, student center, or lounge. Sleep is a very private activity providing refuge.

9. Take turns using the room privately. If you have a class or job, they can use the room and vice versa. Never demand physical contact or togetherness; everyone needs solitude at times. The six-inch rule and respect for space are vital toward a positive relationship when rooming in a small space.

10. Ideally always study in the library, student center, etc. Your room is a refuge from the stress of academics; a place to rest and relax.

11. If you make the mess, you clean it up immediately regardless of time, appointment. Wash your own dirty dishes, vacuum your own living space, Never let any accident, mishap, spill, drop, of any form remain. Always make complete and thorough corrections with utmost haste. Your mistakes/corrections are always your own personal responsibility that always reflects in your professional career. I never want to see a physician who cannot clean up their own mess.

12. Take full and immediate responsibility if you cause the destruction of property and make immediate restitution. Open communication is vital to promote trust and respect in your relationship with a roommate.

Finally, never demand a friendship or even positive relationship. Just being physically close in a room is demanding enough, but do your part and you will live with the assurance you have been at your best for the good of others. Use your room for sleep and use sanitary earplugs if necessary.

If you and your roommate cannot live together after all the best efforts, consult the campus resident life for a change. I recommend staying with the same roommate despite differences or conflicts; they are supposed to be solved through mutual trust and respect. Sometimes the opposite can become your best friend.