Illness and the Disappearing Act

In October 2021, my Mother was sick and I traveled to my home in Ohio hoping to help out, and when I returned home to NC, my husband Chris was sick. Was it heartburn, indigestion, or maybe the usual flare-up of sinus or allergies causing him to lose weight? He already has these issues, so I thought it couldn't be serious and I was glad he was losing weight due to his threat of obesity. 

I said goodbye to Mother on December 1, 2021, and after her funeral, I returned home and Chris had an endoscopy. The doctor came into the recovery room and asked us to pray for him, I carried anointing oil and applied a bit to the doctor's forehead and the three of us prayed. I felt honored actually believing the godly doctor was asking for intercession for himself. A minute after 'amen,' he showed us the results and a walnut-sized tumor was blocking my husband's esophagus. Chris had cancer.

Now, after two years of very proactive medical help, successful surgery removing all the threats, and constant, caring medical intervention, Chris is still sick, and unable to digest his meals. I'm watching my Dearest disappear in front of me when I wake up, return home from work, see him before bedtime, and try to cuddle against his back. At every encounter, he is thinner. 

Chris wears loose clothing to hide his bones, but I know he is even thinner than the man I married. I thought he was bony then, but nothing compares to what he looks like now. I pray with the image of holding on to the foot of the cross, believing God has a purpose for this terrifying reality, while praying for healing. I plead the blood of Christ over my own lack of faith. Are we being impatient? Am I hoping to become a widow and free of parish life? Should I plan to survive without Dearest in my life?

There are times I am so very selfish and sinful that I actually wish he would pass and be free of such misery. His constant pain and nausea keep him confined to limited spaces. He vacuums, cooks, and keeps his office hours at the church parish and averages 9-10 thousand steps on his Fitbit every day. Chris has always been diligent with his personal responsibilities; he has to because I have to work with no choice. Yet, despite all the highest efforts by medical and our best diet habits, he still cannot gain weight. All we can do is pray believing and pursue the best health habits possible, then the rest belongs to God. Please God heal...please heal my Dearest. Is it wrong that I pray, 'please?'

Thank God for the best of health insurance, health care, a loving family, and a loving church family. Thank God for His mercy and grace in our lives...Thank God for He is with us, guiding us in His Perfect Will as we follow Jesus in His Way...Thank God Our Lord took stripes and our sickness on Himself...Thank God for His perfect salvation from all sin...Thank God for the mind to pray and help us trust and obey Him...Thank God for Our Lord's Triumphant Resurrection...Thank God for His Mercy on my life...

...Oh God, what have I done to hurt my Dearest so? Is my failing the cause of his suffering? Can you really hear my cries for his healing even though I am frail and weak in faith? Have I become so hideous from my many poor choices in life that You cannot see me or hear me? What must I do to see Dearest healed in every holistic sense and living with me?...What must I DO?

Ok, Faith without works is dead...the just shall live by faith...by faith are we saved through grace and not of works lest any man should boast...

Alright, nothing I haven't heard before...trying to believe. 'AT the Cross...' at the very foot of the cross...the muddy, bloody, smelly, even the awful stench of the vinegar and decaying corpses not far away...I'll stay here and wait and hold on for Dearest's Life.

July 2024: April 14, 2025, for every other week, Chris has had 3-hour chemotherapy and a take-home, 48-hour IV in a shoulder bag. Constant dehydration is the enemy. His continuous pain in the abdomen is totally devastating. We have to stay close to home when we eat. He sits in a counter chair behind the pulpit and his voice is getting softer every day. Our doctor decided to give him a break with chemo on April 14, and at the next appointment, we will discuss his scans. April 28, the scans showed cancer cells active in his liver. The doctor suggested stopping the chemo, because it is not helping, but making his life worse. She suggested a pill, but the side effects will be far more intense. Chris told her no, he's done. We all hoped he would feel better without the chemo and may even have some years of normal life. His pain continues and he always feels sick. We met the doctor one last time, May 12, 2025, PA Griffie spoke to us to let us know what to expect in the end of life. We are to keep her informed on symptoms, and they will arrange hospice care when needed. 

Memorial Sunday, May 25, 2025, went wonderfully. Chris even wanted to go out to eat, but at the last minute, he wanted to stay home. Wednesday night Bible Study, May 28, went great, Chris was feeling great, but was wore out and wanted to go home. Thursday night, May 29, Chris woke up at 1 am and screamed. A sharp pain went under his right shoulder and around his back. This is the beginning of his death. He could not stand or walk on his own. Today is June 14, 2025, Hospice was called in on June 3, and now Chris is in a hospital bed in the den. His relatives have come and they will take turns to sit with him while I am at work. I need to work for the income. 

Thank God that He is the Supreme Ruler of all our unknowns.

I will Trust in God who knows I am dust. 

Sly Pagans: The Everyday People

Call me Pagan. My DNA doesn't lie. I am Celtic, Scandinavian, and Eastern European. The very civilizations that fought against the educated Roman elite government. 

My parents were shocked at the results when there is solid, legal proof of Native American ancestry and my Mother was very animated to remind me that I am from her and my Dad. Now, my inability to tolerate heat, sun, and many food groups seems to make a lot of sense. My body says Northeastern Europe, but the spirit given to me by family traditions and stories about my ancestors has shaped me into who I am today. 

When Mother died, I returned to religious customs and traditions that gave me a great sense of security. I am most comfortable in a buttoned oxford blouse, maxi skirt, and a loose sweater or dress jacket. My constant weight issues make the supportive oxford shoes a necessity.  I've simply neglected to apply jewelry and makeup for tasks more enjoyable. 

I suppose God must be the supreme artist, after all, He is God and I must be His blank canvas. People who wear piercings, tattoos, and individual fashion designs are beautiful. Far more beautiful are the countless cultures people represent; one reason Heaven is such a wonder. Imagine the languages, music, and foods that thrive in Heaven will be the best because Christ Himself is the Creator who gave us such beauty. 

Regardless of our external choices, we are all pagans whom God so loves. 

"Sometimes I'm right and I can be wrong
My own beliefs are in my song
The butcher, the banker, the drummer and then
Makes no difference what group I'm in

I am everyday people, 

There is a blue one who can't accept the green one
For living with a fat one, trying to be a skinny one
And different strokes for different folks
And so on and so on and scooby dooby doo-bee

We got to live together

I am no better and neither are you
We are the same whatever we do
You love me, you hate me, you know me and then
You can't figure out the bag I'm in

I am everyday people,  

There is a long hair that doesn't like the short hair
For being such a rich one, that will not help the poor one
And different strokes for different folks
And so on and so on and scooby dooby doo-bee

We got to live together

There is a yellow one that won't accept the black one
That won't accept the red one, that won't accept the white one
Different strokes for different folks
And so on and so on and scooby dooby doo-bee

I am everyday people" 1

1. "Everyday People." Https://Genius.Com/Sly-and-the-family-stone-everyday-people-lyrics. November 1, 1968. https://doi.org/https://genius.com/Sly-and-the-family-stone-everyday-people-lyrics.

 

 

My Friend Grace

My friend walks beside me; not in front or behind.

My friend tells me I'm doing a great job; never jealous.

My friend tells me when I'm being bad; always honest wanting me to be the best human being. 

My friend tells me that I am loved when I am bad; a friend who loves me despite my worst form.

My friend forgives me for my worst form; I learn to forgive. 

My friend uses my name truthfully; people seem to listen so I get more friends. 

My friend always helps me when I need help; never imposes, but is available. 

My friend wants my company; never tolerates or tires of me. 

My friend is my constant companion; I am never alone.

My friend stands beside me when I am mocked or slandered; and holds my hand so I will forgive.

My friend knows me more than myself; truthfully.

My friend is so very selfless for my good; I could never earn such a privilege as my Friend.

My friend is a perfect gift.

My friend the Grace given by my Lord Jesus. 

At My Age?

 I love Korean Pop music. In fact, it's the only secular music I listen to except for Woodstock and earlier American folk music. It seems after the 1960's the music died just as Don McLean wrote about in his song, 'By, By, Miss American Pie.' It seems all American dignity, modesty, and self-respect died after the 1960's. Open, free sex activity and drugs destroyed all that was good in our media, the very source of our information and influence. I weep for our precious country destroyed by the filth and lack of any good in our media. 

As a little girl, I was totally taken by Asian culture via Public Broadcasting television and radio. Chinese, Japanese, and Korean characters had my full attention. I watched programs I didn't like just to see the Asian character on screen. I read about Asian American soldiers who fought for my own freedom and yet were uncelebrated. The Chinese Opera, the Kabuki theater, and Korean traditional music flooded my imagination. Mother was a Gospel singer and her backup was male quartets; probably why I prefer male vocals to this day. I love King's Singers and Chinese Nandan singers for the balance color of their voices. When Korean men sing, there is a balance of tone and color that makes the heart message of the work understood. 

Korean traditional culture dictates a strict modest appearance and behavior, and a diligent and effective work ethic that infiltrates their arts. Personally, I am offended by exposed skin and graphic sexual content. I find suited men and modestly dressed females quite attractive and pleasing for the screen. Korean dramas make me want to improve my own work ethic, behavior, and appearance. 

On the rare moments, I watch K-pop music videos, they remind me of the 'sharp' presentation that the Temptations and other 'DooWap' groups included in their performances. K-pop has restored this dignity and work ethic. 

I pray always for k entertainment labels, especially SM. I know they are tough, but the discipline shows in their productions. I am thankful to be American and love my country, but our entertainment died in the 1950-60's and Kpop has made it totally Perfect. They are Frankie Avalon, Temptations, Joe Croker, Tokens, Bob Dillon, James Taylor all made to perfection. Perfect vocals, dance, visuals...perfect work ethic always produces perfect returns. Exo, NCT, and Shinee are some of my faves. Yes, I prefer male vocals...even counter singers and nandans. I love the suiting, hairstyles, and even the exciting theme costumes. Modest, and clean visuals always make perfect artistry. I pray for the management to have God's wisdom in directing and leading these stunning entertainers. God help them if they compromise the work ethic in the industry because the result would be mediocre and trash. God bless the brilliant artist for maintaining the highest standards. K-pop groups become spiritual siblings and respect each other due to traditional customs. 

I am fully aware there are always failings in ethics and morals; we have all sinned and need to repent. God have mercy on us and on the whole world when we fail to do so. 

I may be a 'prude' far too old to enjoy the young entertainers and their dance. I may be called every insult by all of society, but at least I know what I like...a life without chemical dependence and inner dignity that reflects the Great Image of God to Honor God and Humanity. 

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Study - Let's make it Easy. Thoughts on 'Easy' by Key.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEqHYJhHZPY  [1]

    What did you do this time? Did you cause the malfunction? I wish you were like her. We just have to make sure you don't get hurt. Thank you for the offer, but he is more qualified. Maybe when you're older. You're too old for this task. You can't do this yourself. Thank you for your offer, but we want to maintain the highest standards. You didn't know?... It's just common sense...I thought everyone knew that.  I hope you can think of me as your mom away from home. You are of no use to me. You are a zero. You are worthless. Please catch up...you are holding back the others. 

Never let these messages distract you from your study because they only destroy the human spirit and drive to excel.  They are words the world uses to destroy and crush rather than edify. College students prepare themselves to improve the quality of life for others and are on a mission to make the world better. Never be distracted by evil. 

I dream of a tailor who will take me seriously and make me tailored business skirt suits even though I am a fat, old, white lady. 

I dream of a doctor who takes time to study my lab work to find out the why and a cure for this horrible digestive disorder. 

I dream of a world where people will return the respect and trust they expect from others. How wonderful that would be. 

I dream of a Christ-loving community that trusts and obeys the Word of God and what Our Lord did for all of us on the cross. 

I dream of Christ-loving elders who can look at me and say that I make serving God look easy. 

I want to remember everyone in my past with a smile knowing they made my drive to excel look easy.

I dream of Christ who can look at me and say what I am, what I do for Him is wonderful and God is proud of me. 

When people beat my head with the shovel, I remember, Our Lord Jesus is with me and He will lift me to a higher and better place. His yoke is easy, and His burden is light. Mt. 11.28-30

[1] Credits:
https://genius.com/Key-shinee-easy-lyrics
Written By
박태원 (Park Tae Won), Hayden Chapman, Greg Bonnick, Patrick JQ Smith & Dewain Whitmore
Lyricist
박태원 (Park Tae Won)
Composer
Hayden Chapman, Greg Bonnick, Patrick JQ Smith & Dewain Whitmore
Label
SM Entertainment
Release Date
February 13, 2023
Easy Translations
KEY - Easy (English Translation) by Genius English Translations & KEY - Easy (Romanized) by Genius Romanizations
 

TLPHC Sunday Sermon, February 5, 2023, James HC 'Chris' Brown

TLPHC Sunday School, January 8, 2023

The Fat Old White Lady at the Chinese Table

     I am usually the 'elephant in the room' that makes everyone wonder why I have to be present; the only English speaker, the only white person, and the infamous problem with nothing in common with others, and the only Northerner in the room, etc. Most of the time I have to be present without choice. I made the life choices so consequences must be accepted.

    My first most wonderful experience was being invited to a Passover Seder several years ago. I thought that was the one perfect experience that was the event to end all and I was ready to meet my Lord Jesus. Now in the year of the white rabbit, I'm extremely 'spiritually high' and very sleepy this morning after being invited to a Lunar New Year's Eve party. The love and welcome I received last night was what I would feel at the Wedding Feast of the Lamb. 

    We live at an evil time when people choose to hate differences rather than know the One Creator who made us for His joy. At the Passover Sader and the Lunar New Year party, I was so loved and welcomed even though I am a 'fat old white lady...Celt, Scandinavian, Eastern European.' I sampled every kind of Chinese food served and even though my taste may not agree, I knew it was all from My Lord Jesus Himself. I thank selfless people who allowed me to learn more about China and made me feel like one of their own. I weep in gratitude for people who loved me even though I am different than them. 

    Dear Lord Jesus, please bless them all with your presence and bless their work, home, and rest. We in the US have been so blessed with freedoms our Asian friends can only dream of. Very Happy New Year to all...恭喜发财, 新年好, 万事如意, 새해 복 많이 받으세요, Chúc mừng năm mới. (google help).

TLPHC, Sunday Sermon, James HC Brown, January 15, 2023

TLPHC Sunday School, January 1, 2023

TLPHC, James H.C. 'Chris' Brown, 10022022

TLPHC Sunday School, November 20, 2022

TLPHC Sunday School 11132022

TLPHC Sunday School 11062022

TLPHC, Sunday School, October 30, 2022

TLPHC Sunday School, 10232022

TLPHC Sunday School 10092022

TLPHC, 10092022, James H.C. 'Chris' Brown

TLPHC SUNDAY SCHOOL 10022022

TLPHC, James H.C. 'Chris' Brown, 10022022